I remember when I began my professional journey. I was a part-time journalist at The News of Orange County and a part-time English instructor at Piedmont Community College while I waited for my Master’s Degree conferment.

I met interesting folks to interview for feature articles. I supped with the Hare Krishnas. I attended local government meetings. I taught English two days a week. And I was poor.

A friend told me about a job at a car dealership in marketing. I wanted to say no, but I said yes. My income jumped 40% overnight, which meant I could save money for going back to school, so I followed the money. But the Ph.D. never happened.

I discovered one of my dearest friends in the car business. She taught me about becoming a professional woman. The conversation we had then could probably not be had now. I did not shave my legs. I refused to wear a bra. Why should I? Men weren’t held by the same standards. I remember the day she had “the talk” with me. I needed to look the part, she explained. When I shot back about gender equality, she laughed at me and explained I’d do more good if I worked from the inside. It was a cliche then and even more so now, but she explained that I should dress for the job I wanted and not for the job I had.

I remember when having true work friends was real. You weren’t just buddies who ate lunch together. You became family.

I remember when professional loyalty was esteemed. Did it change because friendship moved to the superficial world of social media? Did it change because employees became less loyal to employers? Or did employees become less loyal because they realized employers had really only ever been loyal to the bottom line?

I remember when building relationships was the key factor in professionalism, when those relationships were built on mutual respect. I remember when challenging the status quo was a prized quality, when standing out meant you were swimming outside your lane to improve your work and the company’s performance.

Because workplace friendships have waned and loyalty has suffered, swim lanes must be maintained. Loss of loyalty means employees leave for the next best income potential, which means challenging the status quo and affecting real change is unsustainable and creates a weak spot for the company. Challenging the status quo is now a workplace hazard rather than a professional prize.

And with loss of loyalty and increased employee turnover, mentoring has flown away like dust on the wind. I would not be the woman, the human, or the professional I have become without the accounting manager who pulled me aside early in my career. She stayed with that company for nearly 30 years before retiring. I stayed with that company for 20 years myself. And I hope I was a friend and mentor, just as that wonderful accounting manager had been for me.

Mary is still one of my dearest, truest friends.