Jacky Tales: Two Weeks Home

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Can you believe it? I have been home two weeks. Two weeks! I’m not sure how Mom has survived without me. She hugs and kisses me too much. I love the attention, but, geez, she kisses my head, massages my paws, and scratches my ribs all the time. She says that spot on top of my head is a kiss loading zone. Have you ever heard such? That’s just crazy. Everyone knows that dot is my halo, because I’m such a good boy.

She has a long mirror in her bedroom. It confused me at first; I saw a dog and I touched noses with it, but it didn’t feel like a real nose. It was cold like a puppy nose, but it didn’t have a puppy smell. Hmm, I thought. I stepped back, cocked my head, and wondered and wondered about this strange dog. Ah, I considered, it’s behind a window glass. I peeped behind the mirror and nothing was there, just the wall it was leaning against. I looked at the dog again and realized it was my own reflection. How silly of me. Mom laughed. I don’t know why; I figured it out pretty quickly, I think. Now, I go and sit to look at myself every day. I’m a handsome puppy, ahem, man dog. Mom looks at herself quite a lot, too. Don’t tell her I told you, but she’s getting a little fat; she needs to ease up on the treats and take me for more walks.

Life has been somewhat dull since I got here. There are no goats to chase, no chickens to harass, and no donkeys to mock. I have my new little brother Dudley to irritate, which I take very seriously. I nip his fuzzy tail, which makes him so angry that he turns and shows me his teeth, he’s missing quite a few, before snarling and running after me. I grin ear to ear and look over at Mom, who smiles despite herself. She tells me to leave him be if I make him too upset, because I don’t think she realizes that this is how we play. Dudley is pretending to be angry so Mom will pick him up and love on him. I think I love Dudley. He helps me not be afraid when Mom leaves me alone in the house. We snuggle together when no one is here to see. Somehow Mom watches me when she’s not home and can speak to me. I hear her voice coming from the walls like a ghost. At first it scared me, but then it comforted me to know she’s always there. But it’s also sort of creepy, don’t you think, that she watches me all the time? That’s spying, a major invasion of my privacy. She says it’s the security camera, but I don’t know why she’d need a security camera with me in the house. I’m security enough. I think I should be insulted.

Speaking of security, let me tell you about my red torture collar. Oh, my goodness! When I’m going to be outside helping with yard patrol, Mom puts a red collar on me that shocks me when I get too close to the perimeter. Hear me loud and clear! I do not like it at all. I know I escaped the fence a few times when I first arrived, but I needed to meet my doggy neighbors. A dog needs a pack. Mom was very unhappy with me when I crawled under the fence. In her defense, I did it right in front of her after she had told me I wasn’t allowed to do that. So, then came the hateful red collar. Don’t tell Mom, but it doesn’t really hurt. It just startles me when it pops. It beeps first to let me know I’m getting close to the boundary and if I keep going, it gives me a little jolt. Of course, I scream bloody murder. Hey, if drama works for Dudley to get more attention, it should work for me, too. After all, everyone knows I’m Mom’s favorite puppy. 

I’m sorry, but I can hardly tell this next bit without laughing too much to dictate my words. Imagine watching me run under the electric fence all the while getting zapped just to prove I had figured out that it wouldn’t shock me as soon as I got across. Mom was so upset, but I heard her whisper that her little Jacky is scary smart. I don’t know what’s scary about being smart, but I am very intelligent. I think it’s because Mom read to me when I was a baby. And then I ran right back across the electric boundary and sat at Mom’s feet, smiling up at her. She tried not to laugh, but she was unsuccessful. She explained to me that both fences were in place to keep me safe and that I shouldn’t cross them unless she was with me. Now that I’ve proven I can escape whenever I want to, I haven’t pressed my luck. I have dutifully stayed in my yard, and she lets the neighbor dog Lunah inside the gate to play with me when she comes over for a visit. I haven’t decided if we are just friends or if she will maybe be my girlfriend. I still miss my first doggy love, Betsy. 

All in all, I’m a lucky doggy. But don’t tell mom. Guilt works quite well on her, and I enjoy reaping the benefits in extra scratches and treats. 

I have to run; a squirrel just hopped on the bird feeder and my job has changed from keeping the goats out of the yard and away from the stored water to keeping the squirrels away from the bird feeders. I’m quite talented at this new job. Bye.

Hey, vicious squirrels, here I come!